Funeral Keepsakes and Memorial Ideas:
Looking back on the things I wish I’d said YES to
When someone you love dies, you’re often expected to make important decisions while in deep shock and grief. Looking back after losing my son, funeral keepsakes, memorial ideas and funeral mementoes I wish I’d known about, and some I sadly said no to because I didn’t understand how much they might mean later. If sharing my experience helps even one family avoid those regrets, then writing this article will have been worthwhile.
As an independent funeral celebrant in Aberdeenshire, I now understand how common these feelings are. Families are often making decisions they never imagined they would have to make, while trying to honour someone they love. Today, I gently encourage them to ask questions and explore the choices available before those opportunities are gone.
Losing a child is an unimaginable loss that leaves us navigating a fog of grief, confusion and overwhelming decisions. When my son died, I found myself in a whirlwind of emotions and responsibilities, my brain barely functioning as I tried to make choices that would honour his memory.
At the time, my thought process was, “Why would I want to remember the worst days of my life?” Looking back now, I realise there were things I wish I had said yes to, and other memorial keepsakes I didn’t even know I could ask for.
I Wish I’d Said Yes to Funeral Photographs
One huge regret I carry is my decision to refuse photographs of my son’s coffin. It was a beautiful, unique tribute, adorned in the colours and logo of his favourite football team. In that moment, I thought I was protecting myself from more pain, but I now realise that those images could have served as a cherished keepsake, a way to keep a piece of him alive in my heart.
I Wish I’d Kept a Recording of the Memorial Service
I also declined to have a recording of the memorial service. At the time, I believed it was unnecessary; I could remember the key moments. However, grief has a way of clouding our memories, and now I find myself struggling to recall the details of that day.
Had I known that the crematorium keeps recordings on file for three months, I would have jumped at the chance to have that recording to revisit whenever I felt ready.
Memorial Keepsakes I Didn’t Know Existed
I would have asked for things that I didn’t even realise were possible. The thought of having my son’s fingerprints, a lock of his hair, or a plaster cast of his hands never crossed my mind during those frantic days. These tangible mementoes can provide a sense of connection to our loved ones, and I regret not having them.
Another memento I wish I had considered is a death mask. In the Victorian era, it was common practice to create death masks of the deceased, capturing their likeness in a beautiful and lasting way.
Many families don’t realise that funeral directors may be able to provide memorial keepsakes before a burial or cremation takes place. Depending on the arrangements, these can include fingerprints, locks of hair, handprints, footprints and other lasting mementoes that help preserve precious memories.
The idea of tracing my fingers around his face, feeling the contours and features that were uniquely him, is a comforting thought.
A death mask would not only serve as a tangible connection to my son but also as a piece of art, a tribute to his life and individuality.
Funeral Jewellery and Memorial Diamonds
Victorian mourning traditions often included the creation of funeral jewellery, crafted from the deceased’s hair and set into pieces worn as a constant reminder of their presence. This practice, while steeped in history, serves as a beautiful way to keep a loved one close, allowing the bereaved to carry a piece of them with them always. The thought of wearing a bracelet or pendant made from my son’s hair would have provided comfort and a tangible connection, a physical representation of our bond that I wish I had explored.
Today, many families choose to have jewellery created from their loved one’s ashes, while others decide to transform a small amount of ashes into memorial diamonds as a lasting tribute. Knowing these options exist can bring comfort, offering a beautiful and enduring way to keep someone close long after the funeral has taken place.
What Other Families Can Learn
Recently, I spoke with another grieving mother whose son had died in Australia. In our conversation, I shared some insights from my experience and suggested things she might consider asking for. To my surprise, I learned that many of these items are handled automatically by Australian funeral directors.
They keep photographs, fingerprints, and locks of hair, allowing families to collect them when they are ready, just like they would collect their loved one’s ashes. This system provides a sense of comfort, ensuring that families have access to these precious memories without the added burden of making those requests during an already overwhelming time.
I commissioned a photographer to capture the essence of the last funeral I officiated, with the next of kin’s permission. It was a vibrant celebration of life, just like the gentleman who had died. The end result was a beautiful representation of the love and support surrounding the family, serving as a reminder of the exceptional send-off they gave their loved one.
It made me wonder how many other families, like mine, simply don’t realise these options exist until it’s too late.
Funeral Keepsakes You May Wish to Consider
Every family is different, and there is never any pressure to choose keepsakes that don’t feel right for you. However, knowing what is available can help you make informed decisions during an incredibly difficult time.
Depending on your funeral director and local arrangements, you may wish to ask about:
- Professional photographs of the funeral or coffin
- A recording of the funeral or celebration of life
- Fingerprints or handprints
- Footprints
- A lock of hair
- Hand or face casts (where available)
- Memorial jewellery incorporating hair or ashes
- Memorial diamonds created from ashes
- Memory boxes
- Copies of readings, tributes and eulogies
- Order of service booklets
- Video tributes or voice recordings
Questions to Ask Your Funeral Director
Not every funeral director or crematorium offers every option, so it’s always worth asking what can be arranged before the funeral takes place.
- Are photographs available?
- Can the service be recorded?
- Can fingerprints be taken?
- Is a lock of hair possible?
- Are handprints or footprints available?
- What memorial keepsakes can be arranged?
- How long do I have to decide?
- Which options must be arranged before cremation or burial?
There Are No Right or Wrong Decisions
There are no right or wrong decisions after losing someone you love. Looking back is easy; making decisions while living through overwhelming grief is not. Every family grieves differently, and what brings comfort to one person may not feel right to another.
However, I encourage every family to ask questions and explore the options available before making final decisions. You can always choose not to keep a keepsake, but some opportunities are only available in those first few days and cannot be recreated later.
Grief is a personal journey, and each of us navigates it in our own way. As I reflect on my experiences, I encourage others to embrace the opportunities to say “yes” to the things that may bring comfort, connection, and remembrance. In the face of loss, it’s okay to ask questions, seek help, and explore all the options available. You may discover that saying “yes” can lead to healing and cherished memories that will last a lifetime.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Yes. Many funeral directors can arrange fingerprints, handprints, footprints or locks of hair before a funeral takes place. If these keepsakes are important to you, ask as early as possible because some options may only be available before cremation or burial.
Some crematoria and funeral venues offer audio or video recordings of services, although availability varies. Your funeral celebrant or funeral director will be able to advise what options are available.
Absolutely. Grief can affect memory, concentration and decision-making. Many families later reflect on choices they made during the first few days after a death. Simply knowing what options are available can help reduce future regrets.
Depending on your funeral director and local arrangements, keepsakes may include photographs, recordings, fingerprints, locks of hair, hand or footprint casts, memorial jewellery, memory boxes, order of service booklets and keepsakes created from ashes.
Supporting You Through Difficult Decisions
As an independent celebrant in Aberdeenshire, I’ve supported many families through funerals and celebrations of life, and I understand that every person’s grief is unique. My role is never to tell you what you should do, but to help you explore the choices available and create a ceremony that truly reflects the person you’ve lost.
If you’re arranging a funeral or celebration of life and would like compassionate guidance, I’d be honoured to help. Together, we can create a personal ceremony that reflects the life, personality and legacy of the person you love, while ensuring you have the information you need to make the choices that are right for you. Get in Touch
About Isabel Lockhart
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Isabel Lockhart is an award-winning independent funeral celebrant based in Aberdeenshire. After the death of her son in 2019, she became passionate about helping families create meaningful, personalised funeral ceremonies while ensuring they understand the choices available to them during one of life’s most difficult times.